"I am so afraid of dying. I don't want to die. Mom, is this natural to feel this way about death?" My daughter asked me this question recently after our night-time prayers.
As a young child I was never afraid of my own death. By the age of ten, I lost three grandparents. I took those deaths remarkably well, especially the death of my beloved grandfather. I remember the fear of my parents dying, because that would have left me orphaned. I think the natural progression of life meant old people die and that made coming to terms with death easier. But, that all changed when a young girl in my elementary school died from a brain aneurism. That was the day that I became afraid of dying. I became aware of my own mortality.
It is not strange that my daughter contemplates death at this age. She lost two cousins (children), three uncles, one grandpa, and one great-grandma. The list is long, but these deaths are the closest to her.
For a long time, I remembered all birthdays, departed anniversaries and special dates. But in doing so, it always left me grief struck. I changed my way of remembering and celebrating the lives of the departed. As a Lutheran we remember those who have gone before us on November 1 & 2. I started incorporating traditions from The Day of The Dead to help me with my grief in the moments I was faced with their deaths. I love the movie Coco. In the movie there is a fictional golden bridge that the departed use to cross over to the world of the living on November 1. The "ticket" to the world of the living is remembrance by the living. A picture on the altar. We have a tree with pictures of all our beloved departed in our living room that we bring out for this day. On this night, we share stories, we eat their favorite foods and we laugh, and sometimes we cry. We are keeping their memories alive. This year we will be hanging a new picture on our tree. A brother-in-law. It is remarkable that we try to make death a little sweeter the night before while we celebrate Halloween. We dress up in funny clothes and distribute candy.
My grandmother died two years ago. She lived until the age of 96. What an incredible woman she was. All the losses she had to endure by that time. Her whole immediate family, husband, two children, one grandchild, two great-grandchildren and all her friends. She dealt with the thoughts of death in her own way. She wouldn't visit anybody in hospital or even attend funerals in the last couple of decades before her death. She always explained that she didn't want death or illness to enter her mind. That seemed to work for her. I don't think she was ever really ready to die. She loved life. Being alive. My phone call to her as she was in the process of dying was very hard. I could tell that the end was near. In those moments she didn't mention death at all. She only mentioned love.
I answered my daughter: "Yes, it is natural to fear death. Death is the enemy of life. And life is for the living. You have SO much living to do. But, I pray every day that your life will be long and glorious!"